Friday, May 11, 2012

where to start (or when to end)

something i have been wanting to write about but haven't really been sure what to say is around finn and breast feeding. over the last few weeks, my (no longer little) baby boy has weaned himself completely. its an entirely bitter sweet feeling for me. bitter as he is growing and getting so big, we no longer have those few moments of one on one, quite bonding time, and emotionally, we are both a little on edge as our hormones and systems change and adapt. sweet because i have my body back - its all mine! no more sharing or being on demand for my mini human, finn is growing up and becoming such a sweet little person with every day that passes, and i feel a sense of pride and accomplishment that i made it past his second birthday and let him completely lead the process. grateful that we never ever had to use formula and he has grown into this monster child in part because of the nourishment i was able to provide for him. i really thought i would be breast feeding him until he was 8. mostly i kid, but he was always such an attached baby - he loved breast feeding more than most the other babes we know and (for the most part) i was happy to supply/ comfort/ give in to his every demand. so really, i did think there would come a day when i would (gently) have to start cutting him off, but - he surprised me and called it quits all on his own. anyways - i think this new change in our routine is largely responsible for my last few posts feeling a little melodramatic - obviously there are hormonal changes that take time to work them selves out and emotionally, its taken me a bit to get used to all of this. it does make me smile and choke up all at the same time on a lazy sunday afternoon when finn is laying in my lap and he looks up at me and signs the word 'milk', but fortunately, these requests are now quickly side-tracked with a proposed game of hide and seek or going to get peau a treat from his cupboard.

oh my littlest dumpling - how you have changed my life and every feeling or notion i once had about motherhood so drastically in your short time on this earth. i am so grateful to be able to learn and grow in so many areas of my life simply by being part of yours. i love you too much! xo - mama.

minutes old