Friday, July 6, 2012

stress (and other bummer topics)

so, i'm a bit of a stresscase - always a little bit in my everyday life, but hugely so when things pile up around me. i don't do well with change- im a planner. i love lists, spreadsheets, thinking every detail through from start to finish and premeditating conversations. i am NOT a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kind of gal. not even a tiny bit.  i was talking the other day with my friend steph and totally realized that i'm also a stress eater - i crave REQUIRE crappy food when i'm feeling overwhelmed- just plain junk. and it always makes me feel awful afterward but in that moment, i need it. i'm actually certain you could find a direct correlation between my stress level and my french fry intake. this week has been a major junky week - yesterday i had frozen yogurt AND an ice cream cone, so i thought it might be good to get it all out there - air my stress filled laundry and hopefully process and deal with some of it a little bit. (and then stop eating frozen dairy products for a while. sheesh!)

so, a few things i'm currently kind of freaking out over-

1) my dad - he is having some pretty major surgery in the coming days which, in it self is quite unsettling, but being so far away (us in calgary, him in toronto) - too far away to ask him or his doctor questions, too far to help, support or simply be there. i feel stuck in this weird limbo of worry/ possibly over reacting, but also possibly not reacting enough. i feel like everything will be fine, so i'm trying to stick with that feeling, but am still just generally uneasy about it all.
nathan, my dad and i
2) my general health. its been a rough couple of months. well - six months actually. i have been on and off sick since january and at the height of my worries, reluctantly went to see a doctor who literally gave me a prescription and kicked me out the door - not at all putting my mildly dramatic and possibly hypochondriac mind at ease. i have felt better for a few days, but still have a few lingering symptoms that just wont go away.

3) our wedding - it is 3 (THREE?!) months away and we all know how fast three months just disappears. all the big stuff is mostly done (or at least started) and i'm trying not to get frazzled by any of it, which until today was working pretty well, but - its one of those weeks so today i feel a little frantic. (have i mentioned i haven't ordered my dress yet? yikes!)

4) possibly moving. i'm trying to be so cool and calm about all of this and act like its not a big deal - 'we will cross that bridge if we get there' i have heard myself say a bazzilion times over the last few months, but there is a possibility of a pretty amazing career opportunity for jeff. incredible! amazing! so freaking over the moon proud of him! but- it would require us to move to vancouver. obviously, so many amazing things to be discovered and a wonderful change for us, but also something im totally freaking out about. as i previously mentioned, im not a big risk taker or change maker. i freak out a bit when the grocery store is sold out of the toothpaste we normally use, so the idea of moving to bc - away from my family, friends and everything i have ever known is terrifying. i KNOW it will be amazing. i know this is everything jeff has worked so hard for and i am beyond grateful that people out there are taking note of how incredibly talented he is. there is a part of me that is so excited to move away and start new, but im a touch worried that i wont make friends - like- deep meaningful connections that i am abundantly surrounded with here. i am quite shy when i first meet people, and that has always been an initial barrier for me. i am also worried about being away from my family. i love them all so much and they have all been such a tremendous support to us - especially since finn has been born, so not having them a quick drive away is really... scary. and the thought of possibly having to plan the rest of our wedding from another city is, well - crazy. (this is actually probably the entire reason im stressing about the wedding). plus- selling our condo and then actually MOVING! how on earth are we going to pull this all of? wow.

 vancouver 5 years ago. 
yeah, i feel much better now. dont you? bah! :)